Comments on: Reducing your child support payments

By: dave

dave — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 23:03:05 +0000

I separated 3 years ago after being kicked in the head by my drunken ex as i slept on the floor of my son’s room- the second time it had happened – and consequently assaulted me on 3 othe occasions in front of the 2 children, as well as subjected them to emotional abuse about me with lies, and making various false allegations. I left, fought for PR (we weren’t married), tried mediation but stopped because she went missing for two days on a drink and cocaine binge thretening suicide and smashing the house up after a session, went through the courts and got a shared residence order 45 % me to 55% her (which i conceded on the basis that she wasn’t working and was able to have the kids after school rarther than have them in childcare). We borrowed advanced money on the mortgage supposedly to help me pay the debts off for my rented house deposit, furniture, toys, some legal costs etc to the tune of 7k then spent the money on things for her house and a foreign holiday after the building society mistakenly paid it into her account leaving me with the need for a loan which i’m still paying. She has the house and all within it, she has all of the child benefit, she gets over £200 a month of my money, and now she’s working gets working families tax credit which i’m not entitled to. I pay for children’s activities in my time – more than she does – take the kids to the doctors, buy sports kit, dinner money ,school trips because i care if they haven’t got what they need – unlike her. She is going to Croatia for a dance festival and taking the children aged 8 and 11- i’m camping in my friends garden and making the best of it. The CSA and the benefits systems are enabling her to have the final bit of control she needs over me, and not allowing me to have a good financial trouble free life with my two lovely kids. I am looking to go self employed and will do everything to avoid paying her money so i can give my children a better life. The system stinks – there are certainly good and reasonable women out there – i’m in a relationship with one. But there are plenty of power hungry and greedy women out there who are making their children’s lives difficult and are bitter and twisted and dtermined to make their ex’s suffer at all costs. It is wrong that there is a financial benefit for someone having more time – as it will result in people fighting for the time when children need both parents – and it is the right of both parents to choose how to parent how they believe and not be put upon. The system needs to change. I’ve written to my MP to ask for fairness and urge everyone else to do the same – it is an inequality which would not be tolerated if the ball was on the other foot – so i applaud this site, as long as men are doing the right thing. The system needs to be made unworkable along with pressurising MP’s or it won’t change.

By: Marie

Marie — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 10:10:52 +0000

My husband has a 3 year old son with the psycho b*tch from hell(sorry but if you knew all the story ou’d say the the same!) We have been together since the child was 6months old and all this time we have been in court to try and see him. Wheen the court order was in place my husband was out of work and could see his son more. Now that he is working he only sees him every other week which is killing him. When he started work she was awful demanding cash all the time-we told her no and offered her £40 a month plus clothes and nappies(all we can afford as my husband has a low paid job and im a student). She told us to eff off and went to CSA. They are the most horrible people to deal with and treat you like crap. They yelled down the phone that we owed money(when we had never even heard from them before) and are now looking for £40 a week which we cannot afford. They didnt even know he was married or that my son lives at home with us and we need to claim a disability variance. Now his ex has stopped us seeing his son coz we wont give her cash. We havent seen him in a month now-my husband turned up as planned-the child was at the door waiting for him and she told him to forget about seeing him without giving her money. Its ridiculous that the courts feel it was fitting to take away the contact order when she assured them everything ws sorted. Sorry for ranting but between her and the csa our lives are being made miserable and we cant even contemplate having our own family because of her.

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 17 May 2010 19:51:27 +0000

This is a very interesting thread.

I have a son with my ex wife and have paid 15% (£220) of my income to her every month for the last 6 and 1/2 years. She didn’t let me see him for the first 18 months of his life and after taking her to court I see him every other saturday for the day. Well I was until 6 weeks ago. She has now moved further away and I can’t afford the petrol to go and pick him up and take him back. She won’t help at all. She’s on over £45000 a year and has just moved into her fiances house. He is a millionaire.

This is what makes me sick because I don’t see my son benefitting from any of my payments, it’s more like it funds her lifestyle. I haven’t had a holiday since he’s been born, I am unable to pay any capital off my mortgage and have to live hand to mouth. This is where dad’s are completely screwed and I think that the mothers income (and there new partners) should be taken into account, so at least the non resident father can live.

The other thing that annoys me is that she just makes changes to what he is doing without asking me. She has changed his school, she has booked her wedding for a day when I’m supposed to have him and is then taking him abroad for 2 weeks. The courts don’t give a shit about it and basically have told me that we have issues between us and until they are sorted out they won’t get involved. As someone else said, it’s the solicitors that win in these cases.

The sad thing is that my son is one who is suffering because she won’t play fair. She has to control everything and is using him as a pawn in her games to get at me. She has broken down a relationship I had built up with my son by being a completely inflexible selfish *****.

All I can say is……..one day it is gonna come back and bite her the arse!!!

By: Pete

Pete — Mon, 10 May 2010 19:08:53 +0000

Just had a phone call from an ex girlfriend which i have not seen for 7 years
saying iam the father of her daughter who is 7 years old iam not on the birth certificate and she tells me that the child calls her husband for 7 years dad
she wants me to have a private dna test ? what is the benifit for her to take me to court to
have the test? if i am found to be the father can she demand back payments? even no she has had no contact with me for the 7 years.

By: Johny

Johny — Wed, 05 May 2010 11:34:14 +0000

My local MP is the Lib Dem minister for Family issues, which includes the CSA. I am seriously thinking about starting a petition for a fairer system that

– recognises everyone’s needs

– takes account of the desire of fathers to be able to determine where money is spent and to make sure that it is spent on the child.

– that CSA payments reflect the need of the child and are not substitute income for the mother.

– that payments are means tested, such that the mother does not end up with all the equity and a high income via benefits, CSA etc

– that future children get a fair share of the father’s income

I am not sure how a new system would work, but there must be a fairer way?

Anyone have any views on petitioning for change?

By: Joanna

Joanna — Mon, 03 May 2010 21:54:49 +0000

Mothers: innocent until proven guilty – Fathers: Guilty until proven innocent.

Interesting thread. Yes, there are honourable women out there who live a sensible life and spend the CSA money in a way which is beneficial for the children and respect the importance of both parents in their child’s life. However, having experienced being the partner of two men with children I disagree that this is the case for all. The system is completely bias towards the mother and completely disregards the rights of the child by denying their father the right to exercise equal parental responsibility.
Interesting thread. Yes, there are honourable women out there who live a sensible life and spend the CSA money in a way, which is beneficial for the children, and respect the importance of both parents in their child’s life. However, having experienced being the partner of two men with children I disagree that this is the case for all. The system is completely bias towards the mother and completely disregards the rights of the child by denying their father the right to exercise equal parental responsibility.

My first partner bought his ex a house plus paid £1000 maintenance whilst she lived in the house with the man she ran off with. His daughters were dressed in second hand clothes from charity shops yet she went on holidays with her partner leaving the girls with us.

My current partner’s ex-wife has taken him to court where he has been ordered to transfer the 6-bedroom house into her name. She lives there with her boyfriend (denied of course in court) and the three children (all different Dad’s so CSA for each one) plus he has been ordered to pay off the joint debts that were run up improving the property. Two years marriage, 40k debt and a son who in his 3 years of life has called three different men ‘Daddy’ as she changes man on average once a year. My partner cannot afford to pay the debt, he cannot even afford a TV license, yet this was disregarded in the court and he was told that the three children need a roof over their head and if he doesn’t pay the debts the house is at risk of being repossessed. The ex said he can work more hours and the judge asked her how, she had a list of how he could earn extra despite having a full time job already. She spent 18k on ‘retail therapy’ since they split up, claiming it was on the family despite the bank statements showing otherwise. Despite this we still had to go and buy his son new shoes as the ones he had were too small and deforming his feet. Not to forget that his ex-wife works just the right amount of hours to get maximum tax credits. In court it seems that anything the mother says is taken at face value but anything a father says has to be proved. My partner couldn’t afford a solicitor yet his ex had a barrister and a solicitor both paid for by Legal Aid!

It is assumed that just because women are ‘mothers’ somehow they have their children’s best interest at heart and someone has to pay for it, no matter whom. The two cases above both show that it is not so. If CSA is to work then there should be accountability. Proof the money goes on a healthy weekly shop not a variety of fast food joints, clothes not the latest ipod, holidays for the children and not for Mum and her latest squeeze. It may sound far-fetched to some but it is a reality for many.

Shared residency should be awarded to both parents, a father should not have to fight for the right to have a say in his child’s upbringing. Child benefit should be paid to both parents. We jump up and down about women’s rights but men’s roles have been reduced to sperm donor and an open wallet. What has happened to men’s rights? More importantly, what has happened to a child’s right to having parents of equal standing in their up bringing?

So, is it too much to ask for my partner to be able to afford to take his son swimming or even buy him an ice cream? I don’t think so. I am sure for many, this is what led them to put in the search engine: ‘how to reduce csa payments’

By: Johny

Johny — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 13:16:46 +0000

When my ex and I split up she got the house, over £300k and no mortgage – apparently that was what she needed according to her and my solicitor. 4-beds, for one adult and one child. On top of this I paid more maintenance that I needed, now she has gone to the CSA to try and get more – actually I think she will get less this way. The point is that she is using the CSA as a punishment, not to get the best for our child, as her actions could most likely result in reducing my payments. My new partner and I would like to start our own family, but where logic is wrong is that the reductions for future children are disproportionate the the amount paid for the first child. Another thing, there is no means testing ie my ex has a house paid for, works part/time – term time only, gets tax credits and child maintenance which in all works out to about £2k a month net income. Something is wrong somewhere?!?!

By: Donna

Donna — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 22:40:29 +0000

Oh & I forgot to mention that I have no leg to stand on regarding maintenance as my tw@t of an EX is self employed & has a very clever accountant who can make it look like he earns nothing, therefore the Glorious CSA will tap him up for £5 a week maximum. I wouldnt lower myself.
I just hope my beautiful little boy doesn’t inherit any of his pathetic genes & becomes a wonderful father himself one day.

By: Donna

Donna — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 22:11:27 +0000

I am absolutely horrified that there is a site that advises people on how to stop paying maintenance to their children!!
I split from my partner last year & we have a 3 yr old son. My ex is self employed & earns a very good wage. he likes to spend this on nice shiny new vans, holidays & weekend booze binges in the pub. He hasnt paid 1 penny to my son in 14 months. Not even bought a pair of shoes. Quite frankly my son & i do ok as I work full time in sales & earn a good wage (I also pay large nursery bills) but this really isnt the point, why should I pay everything & he gets the luxury lifestyle? Funnily enough he also slags me off for not allowing more contact but when I do he doesnt turn up most of the time due to previously mentioned booze binges!
Is this the sort of behaviour you like to help & promote?? Do these arseholes not realise they are giving money to their children not the EX!!!
I am absolutely sick of hearing about these ‘poor’ men who sow their seeds then moan at having to pay for the children they spawn.
Well I hope you all wallow in the wads of cash you keep from your children & quite honestly I hope you choke on it.

By: Anna

Anna — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 12:00:41 +0000

I do agree with what you say Stephen. As a wife of once divorced guy with one child to pay maintenance for. I also sympathise with all the others as there are so many different people and so many different circumstances to consider. And it sooooooooooo not fair for all those single mothers to keep saying how bad they ex partners are. Believe me there are so many guys out there that want to keep seing their kids and pay maintenance but it is very difficult as some women are only usin the fact that they have a kid and the only thing they are interested in is ex’s money.
My hubby is the best dad ever since divorcing his ex after 1.5yrs of a marriage she got half of his money (and still wanted more kept saying how good she was to him because she did not want his investments that he set up for himself when he was 20). Well i do understand that if you divorce you split the assets however its not fair when it was only that guys assets that he worked for all his life and she went into marriage with carrier bag. Using a child to get more money to fund your own lifestyle is just rotten. We have a child together now so had to reduce payments and she still wants us to pay for a childcare although she gets all the benefits going and childcare support. Come on girls get a grip. He used to pay £400pcm as it was a private agreement and his wage was only £1200pcm. So if you get all the support from government can you please tell me girls how can you spend £400pcm on a 8 year old????????????? And dont keep saying “your kids are your resposibility” because you are as much responsible to provide for them.